Thoughts on Sex in Literature

I guess since my teens this has been an interest of mine in one way or another and to a greater or lesser degree, or at least on and off.  Indeed, I have had some interesting conversations and heard some interesting and insightful opinions on the subject over the years, and never more so than in the last few months or so.  

And it's no coincidence that such discussion has followed the release of the notorious 50 Shades of Grey and its two sequels by E.L. James.  It's possible that even in my lifetime these books would have run afoul of the censors for their graphic and detailed if sterile descriptions of sex of a decidedly sado-masochistic nature, and in the misandric 1990s it would have gone down like a lead balloon.  (Though at least one of my classmates would have been on 50 Shades like a fat kid on a box of donuts had it been available circa 1996).  I personally have only taken in bits and pieces of it, but of all of the opinions and reviews I've read and heard not one of them has been positive, which kind of prevents me from rushing out to get my hot little hands on a copy.  Take out the BDSM and what we have is an account of an abusive relationship.  Plus, John Flaus made the observation that the woman who wrote it must be a narcissist because the sex scenes are just graphic descriptions with no emotional engagement.  The blurb described 50 Shades as romance/romantic, but if I've understood the romance genre correctly it's more interested in the emotional engagement, the feelings, than in the physical side and especially graphic details; in addition the genre tends to steer well away from sexual relations which may be considered paraphilic or transgressive or perverse, and condemns abusive relationships.  Also, it started life as Twilight fan fiction so what does that tell you?

What is coincidence is that I've recently read I, The Jury, Mickey Spillane's first novel to feature Mike Hammer.  It was indeed a rather racy book, especially for 1947, and between the violence, the nudity and the pretty obvious hints of sex it was pretty much guaranteed to upset the stuffed shirts and prudes. And yet remarkably he didn't go into graphic detail regarding the sex - though he couldn't have either because it would never have got past censorship, which was much tighter in those days - he just dropped very obvious hints and left it to the reader to figure out what was going on.

Personally I like the way Mr. Spillane did it - the obvious hints of what's about to happen, is happening and has happened, though leaving it to the reader's imagination, refraining from spilling every carnal detail even after he was allowed to do so - and I figure some things are best left to the reader's imagination.  For example, while Bryce Courtenay did a great job of writing a beautiful, cosmic love/sex scene between his hero and heroine in one of his books I don't know if I could do the same - how do I convey the idea of the hero and heroine coming together physically, emotionally and spiritually through revealing the physical goings-on without degrading or profaning it?  Alternatively, if the relationship between a given couple is toxic, and if sex between them is creepy and degrading I like to think the reader will get the idea without a graphic description and would prefer not to have their face rubbed in it.  And well, what one person finds erotic another person might not, not to mention that in real life the first time tends to be awkward, or at least has one or two hiccups which doesn't translate so well when trying to convey beautiful intimacy between two people who love each other, or even if (as a writer) you're not interested in that stuff, you just want to make the reader happy in the pants it kind of upsets the mood a little.  At this time I'm not interested in writing to get people hot and bothered.